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Talk:Amaka Date
Author Requested Review First, I noticed the following grammar/spelling issues: Lady Amaka Date (伊達氏あまカ, Date Amaka) is a kunoichi born in Kirigakure, as the primary student of the Fifth Mizukage, Mei Terumī. After the death of Chōjūrō, Mei personally handed the twin blade, Hiramekarei over to her',' '''know' she'd be the only one to harness its power. During her time on the Devil's Playground, she was taken for experimentation',' where her experimenter made some type of changes to her body, and during a King of the Hill session, she showed the ability to use the kekkei tōta the Dust Release.'' *1. The comma after her should come after Hiramekai and know should be knowing. *2. There should be no comma after experimentation. Type of should also be removed as it is both singular and conflicts with the plural changes and makes the phrase somewhat awkward. *3. The the in front of Dust Release should be replaced with comma. '' Akama ,''' was born into Kirigakure,' during a time of depression',' where the Fourth Mizukage had his reigns, '''however' was controlled by Obito Uchiha. During this time, the village was known as the Bloody Mist',' and as so, she found herself swallowed by the village. These hardships forced her to fend for herself',' without a mother nor a father, she was left alone. With a need for food, she would accept anything, and at this moment, she accepted',' a hand that was thrown out. Taking this hand would give her a''' roller coaster ride of her life, '''at which she had no choice but to take',' and make what she could of it.'' *1. Akama should be Amaka. The comma after her name should not be there as there is no need for it. The same goes for the commas after Kirigakure and during a time of depression. *2. However should be replaced with but. The comma after Bloody Mist should not be there. *3. The phrase without a mother nor a father is incorrect since nor does not have its correlative pair, neither. In this case, I suggest you re-word it like this: with neither a mother nor a father. The comma before that phrase should not be there. *4. Would accept is a conflicting tense as it is in future tense rather than past. However, changing this to accepted would make the sentence awkward. So, you will have to put had accepted. This should be changed to that and the comma after she accepted should not be there. A'' should changed to ''the. *5. At should be changed to on. The comma after take should not be there. (There was a lot of commaphilia in this.) At '''around' the age of seven, or what would appear to be seven, she finally touched based in the real world',' after being locked away on that wretched playground. her first most memorable encounter',' was against a young boy named Sōgetsu Hōzuki. The boy had a late night patrol, sweeping the streets, making sure there was no one out. Amaka, who'd missed the chance for food during the day, went out for a late night lunch, snooping the streets for whatever she could find. Instead of food, what she did find was the snow haired boy',' who stood there in awe at the girl. The two',' were about the same age, but still she tried to suppress her chakra. The young boy seemed to be if some advance, as he was able to sense her presence',' and called her out. As she stepped from the shadow, her mind flickered',' and she completely snapped. Lashing out',' unaware of her surroundings, she attacked him blindly, managing to cut him along the chest with a kunai. Coming to a defense, the young boy managed to push her into a corner',' where she now felt helpless. Dropping to her knees, she gave up on the battle where he caught her',' then brung her to the residence of the Mizukage.'' *1. Around is unneeded in that sentence. Based should be base and the comma after world is unnecessary. *2. her should be capitalized. The comma after encounter is unnecessary. Against should be with. *3. Another unnecessary comma after snow haired boy. Also, snow haired should be snowy haired but if you use snow haired, put a hyphen in between. Unnecessary comma after two *4. The young boy seemed to be if some advance- Not sure what you were trying to say there. Shadow should be plural. Unnecessary comma after flickered. *5. Unnecessary comma after Lashing out; it should be changed to while. If he pushes her into a corner, that would mean he was on the offensive. Managed to push can be changed to just pushed. *6. Unnecessary comma after corner. Unnecessary comma after her. Brung is not a word, change it to brought. Thank you, Green! Now, fall under my ultimate genjutsu 04:30, October 5, 2014 (UTC)